Winners — Choosers — Losers
Crossroads: Servant Leadership, Part VIII
On Valley Radio This Weekend, October 29-30
or Online HERE Anytime
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“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. Therefore, keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23)
“When you’re tired of coping with your struggles and want to find a cure, you’re ready to face “The heart of the problem, which is a problem of the heart.” (Henry Brandt: “The Heart of the Problem.”)
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In this eighth chapter of their series on Servant Leadership, Rita Peters and Gini Rapini (corrected spelling from last week’s misspelling) are focusing this week on how people can build on the differing gifts they are given at birth.
By way of background, Rita serves as Staff Counsel and Senior Vice President of Legislative Affairs for the Convention of States, and Gini is the leader of the grassroots and mentoring department of the COS.
Their goal is to learn how to use our differing gifts to maximize our influence, not only in our own families but also in the culture around us, and how to achieve different outcomes throughout our lives.
Winners, Losers, or Choosers
The point they make in this program is that we are not born as “Winners” or “Losers”. Rather we are born as “Choosers” who can build on our God-given gifts to determine our successes and failures and how we are to live. It is our Choice to make and we will not achieve our goals without great effort on our part.
That is also to say that we cannot always change the actions of people we encounter in life in order to achieve these goals. However, we can determine our own attitudes and behaviors for how we will respond to those who might stand in our way.
The point is that we should not allow others to determine how we shall live. That is for us to decide. We also should not allow others to force us into an uncomfortable role as Losers or as Victims.
The Two Circles: Victims or Choosers
A picture of Two Circles can help us to see ourselves in two different ways, either as Victims or as Choosers of how we will live. For example, as “Victims”, we will often blame others for what is happening and react to them in self-pity and anger.
In addition, Victims will often see the world only through their own narrow self-centered lenses without taking other people’s situations into account. Unfortunately, that makes it all about themselves with no effort to consider others who may also be struggling in their own self-pity and Victimhood.
However, if we can look through the Chooser’s larger lenses, we can choose to express sympathy and empathy toward others rather than getting angry at them for whatever it was that was taking place.
The point is that this is our Choice, and we should not let others decide how we should respond to difficult situations. For example, we should avoid becoming defensive in ways that cause us to strike out against others in anger or frustration.
Servant Leadership: David Kuhnert
As in earlier programs, and as a reminder, Rita and Gini are drawing much of this from a book by David Kuhnert called “Servant Leadership”. This is an excellent resource that is available from Amazon.
Therefore, to sum up this eighth chapter of his book, Kuhnert gives us several ways to think about ourselves. 1) We are not born as Winners, and 2) We are not born as Losers. Rather, 3) We are born as Choosers. Therefore, how we think and act is a matter for us to decide, and we will live with the consequences of our choice.
However, as Kuhnert said earlier in his book, we must learn to speak the truth as key to resolving many differences even though it can be difficult to do because it can stir up conflict and controversy.
Therefore, he provides several steps to prepare us to have this “Moment of Truth” in our relationships with others, such as those listed below and which we reviewed earlier.
First of all, we must acknowledge reality in our conversations and confirm that we are all on the same page. To achieve that, we must put our fears aside and work to establish common ground in a spirit of humility, kindness, and respect.
A second step is to make a plan to achieve clarity. That includes an apology for our own failure to communicate clearly and then to clear up those differences. To that end, we must be willing to accept our personal responsibility for such a failure.
A third step is to avoid justifying our position by referring to our feelings. We should instead try to stick with the facts rather than our emotions. Again, to share our truth with humility, kindness, and respect. In that way, we can disarm others who may have been involved, try to avoid conflict, and keep the focus off of ourselves.
In summary then, what can we do? “Why should I feel this anger and frustration?” Simply put, it turns back on us. It is a Choice that is ours to make, and we must be able to control our emotions in order to re-build the bonds between us.
As mentioned last week, Jesus provides a good example in the way that he informed Peter that he would betray Jesus three times. He did it in a spirit of love and as a factual point of information rather than in judgment, and thus in a way that Peter could accept.
Crossroads: Where Faith and Culture Meet
These and other programs on leadership principles that we reviewed earlier are all aired on the following Valley stations: WBTX (1470 AM and 102.1 FM) today (Saturday) at 4:00 p.m. and again on Sunday at 7:30 a.m., followed by WSVA (550 AM and 92.1 FM) at 8:30, ESPN (1360 AM and 106.9 FM) at 9:00, and WNLR (1150) at 11:30.
If you missed them, or would like to listen to them again, you can do so online by clicking on the menu of current and other past programs on our home page at www.valleyfamilyforum.org.
Crossroads is almost entirely listener supported, and we are so grateful for your prayers, your encouragement, and your financial support. If you would like to help, please send your check to Crossroads at PO Box 881, Harrisonburg, 22803. All donations are tax-deductible.
Thank You, for God and Country,
Dean, for the Crossroads Team,
Working and Walking Together, We Can Make a Difference!